Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ch.., Ch.., Changes

I've always had a hard time with the passing of time. My mother theorizes that it has something to do with me being born way to early. I don't know, it may be true, I've had it all my life. Literally and figuratively I always tend to stay in one comfortable place and keep staying there for as long as I can until I get chucked out and have to move on. Sounds familiar? Luckily I have some sense of ambition, otherwise I would have come nowhere.
Life is cruel in this way, there are always things, bad things but especially really great things that at a certain time come to an end. I hate that, I love the things I spend time with and I want to hold on to them. I always miss them, but the worst thing is the anticipation of it all. If I start with something new, I always almost immediately note the fact that it is going to end someday.
When I was little and we had a cat I would sometimes come to my mother, when I was supposed to be sleeping, crying because one day our cat would die and I was already sad about that.
I'm not a doom thinker. I always think that every thing is going to work out, I'm an optimist, but I think I might be a realist too. If there is the slightest chance that something is going to work out, I think it is going to work out, but if there isn't any chance at all, it sometimes makes me sad years in advance.
But life goes on, I'm moving the day after tomorrow, to a bigger apartment with my own facilities and even a spare bedroom where someone can come to sleep over. Now I have to say goodbye to my old room. It has been good to me and I love it for it. It's a room with a lot of positive energy and I'm proud of that. I really hope my new home will have that too..
Life goes on and I've discovered a new thing this weekend. Well I've discovered two things this weekend. One, that I really like to paint! I did a sort of workshop model painting with my former girlfriend and I absolutely loved it! The other thing I learned, was that love is even more important than being together. I've had some difficulties letting her go in the past and I still love her, but it seems that it isn't to be. I've mostly accepted that now I think. This weekend we spent some time together and now that I'm back home, I found out that I had a really good time and I'm glad to have spent the time with her and that I love her and that I accept being apart as long as I'm aloud to love her..
I love people, I love a lot of people but some are more special than others. The good thing about change is, that it shows you exactly what was important before. Change makes you live, change makes you love..

Good night and good bye.. for now ;)