Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Life Is Not for the Fair

Life. I always expect it to be fair. I expect it to be easy, that it won't hurt you. That if you want something bad enough or love someone bad enough, that is enough. That somehow it will always turnout for the best.
Then I'm always surprised that when I have a particular strong emotion, especially if it is directed at someone. Nobody notices it. Nobody can feel it. My emotions sometimes scream in my head. It sometimes feels as if the power of the emotion is enough to turn the whole world inside out. And sometimes I can feel so connected to someone, it feels as if maybe our auras connect, like some kind of energy intermingles and surrounds us both. Like I can feel the warmth flow between us, it feels so good. I really wish I could share it with someone..
People are so blind towards one another, it's really scary. How do we survive as a species if we cannot even communicate our strongest feelings or our deepest wishes? Isn't it depressing that a synonym for our "strongest feelings" is "our deepest feelings". As if we by definition are not allowed to tell anyone what we really feel, as if we are supposed to hide them, deep in our selfs, where nobody can reach them!? God forbid, they might find out what we feel. It is cruel that our inner feelings are so separated from the world out there...

My love to you all!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What I Really Want...

What I really want is to be me. I always wanted to be a few things.
First of all, a movie director. Yep, it sounds lame, but I do. I once made a (very) short film. It wasn't brilliant or anything but it was the single most best thing I ever did. I so much loved it! I knew exactly what I wanted and it was just having pure fun from there on out! (Ok and quite a lot of work, but it was worth it!)

Another thing I always wanted to do is be a writer. I really love the idea of creating wor(l)ds, inventing people and imagining relationships between those people. But more than that, to sketch and explore interesting circumstances and strange social entanglements. And to inspire people, to make them think and to give them something to think about and even cry about, to make them see the world just a little bit differently than before.. I wish I could do that...

Also I want to study medicine. I know it is something completely different than the things above (maybe except for the romantic notions involved) but I have always had a strange fascination with how people work. In a lot of ways, but mostly anatomically. I have some kind of insight into that. Somehow I can see the human (and probably more generic the mammal body) as a sort of abstract machine in my head. From the neurons in our brain and central nervous system to the blood vessels all over our body, to the digestive system to the inner workings of our cells.. It just really interests me!

There are just so many interesting things in the world, not even speaking about the universe. I wish I could see it all. But luckily it means that I'll won't get bored in the coming eons! ;)

Time for bed boys and girls!