(Monty Python and...) The Significance of Life

You know.. life is sometimes difficult to understand. It sometimes seems to trick you into making something mentally feel less important than it really ought to feel.

Take romantic relationships. Nobody can ever really grasp the significance of the choices we make about these. But every choice in this, tempts us to lessen the emotional worth of our entire life, because we cannot oversee its consequences and the only defense to this problem, the only way to lessen the burden of realizing this, is to lessen the emotional worth of life itself. For how can something be so important, if we cannot possible make the perfect choice about it?

Strictly speaking, this is why we should never give into doubt, with subjects as life defining as this one. The moment we do or do not do something because of doubting its outcome, we automatically diminish the worth of our life, because we diminished the potential worth of the concept of a relationship.

The only way to avoid this problem, it seems to me, is to have some kind of faith in life, or yourself. Because if you have faith that you have made the right choice, you do not have to lessen the importance of that choice, and thereby corrupt the meaning of life. Face it, what else is life about, if not about choice?

This is interesting, because it means that to really have free choice, to really be free, we need to have faith in something or another...

The lessen we can learn about this is, on the one hand, to be careful in the choices we make and on the other hand, to believe in the choices we have made. But most of all to believe in yourself and to always be true to yourself. Though, keep a weary eye out to making yourself believe the wrong truths... Which brings us to the distinction between faith and blind faith. In my opinion nobody should have blind faith if she can help it, but every body should have faith in the things she cannot control.. it seems the only way to stay sane in this world.

And the most beautiful faith of faiths is the faith of love...

I love you all,

Goodbye for now!

Heart Break..

There is nothing in the world as hard as breaking your heart (Although you might think that it is more difficult to break someone else's heart. This is sadly not true unless you break your own heart with it..). And it is even more difficult if you've had all the chances in the world to make it right, but only realize how stupid you have been when it is to late to fix it. Nothing you read, see or hear will ever prepare you for the feeling of it happening to you! You will never ever even be able to know how bad it feels, if you are not experiencing it at this very moment.. It will fade.. I know it will and every time you experience it (which could easily be multiple times for one event, if you have such a strong optimistic and not always very realistic emotional constitution as I have), it will hurt just as bad..

Do you know that feeling you sometimes get when you like someone who already is in a relationship? If you bring that in the perspective of how it feels to have a broken heart, you will never secretly fansy about them splitting up again!

My heart broke a few times already this year. I had come to realize how much I loved and missed somebody and how much I wanted her back. But I realized this too late.. I was stupid and blind and I did not realize my real feelings for this person until it was too late and she had moved on! I had a lot of time and somehow I only saw what I had lost until it was too late.. It is a cliche, but it is a true cliche.. This hurts so much! There is someone who I love and who loves me, someone I could have been happy with for the rest of my life maybe.. and this person has decided that she doesn't want a relationship with me anymore..

So now I face a life, knowing that I could have been with someone I love but am not and that she will probably find someone else soon and probably be with him for ever.. I have to face that someone else will be with her forever instead of me.. How do you face something like that? I don't know how.. I know I will survive, because I think I can survive anything (emotionally speaking (although I don't want to test my limits!)).. but I really do not want to feel this hurt! This helplessness.. that there is nothing you can do to fix it (and believe me, I have tried (and probably still will for some time, knowing myself..))..

Still deep down, I realize that more than anything else I want her to be happy. I really do! Not immediately, first I just wanted her back, but when I think about it, I realize I cannot handle her being hurt! I realize that if someone who I love hurts, I will hurt with her.. no matter what..

I don't know how I will find someone I love this much again.. but I really hope I will..

A Tripp to Osnabruck

Last week me and a group other AI students went on an excursion to Osnabruck (Germany). Here we visited the cognitive science department of the university of Osnabruck. Which was very exciting! They have a very brought approach to cognitive science and AI, that reminded us a lot of our own AI study, here in Groningen. The most noteworthy difference being that they have a lot (a lot!) more robots there! I wish we had some more robots..

Of course, visiting the university was not the only thing we did. We also crashed a party at a catholic student association, who where looking very shocked when we started dancing to their, initially rather slow but admittedly later much better, music (or we just had a little more to drink later on and thought the music was better, that could also be it).

After happy hour, when the drinks where getting more expensive, we moved to some other place (which's name I forget..), where that night it was rather empty. But we did not care, the Tequila Sunrises went for 2.50 euros, so we where happy and drunk :).

When we got back to the hostel I took a shower, on my way back from which, in my boxer shorts, I found some people lingering in the common room, so I decided to join them for a minute.. or the rest of the night, as it turned out.. It was a bit embarrassing though to have to leave the common room through the kitchen the following morning, while people where having their breakfast... and I was not wearing more than my shorts and a towel.. but we had fun :)..

So, the following night we decided to go back to the Tequila Sunrise place, where unfortunately the Tequila Sunrise was a lot more expensive than the previous night. It was also a lot more crowded, which was fine, good even. It was an interesting place, they had plants in toilet bowls with glass on top of them, used as tables. A television on which, presumably, the girl who's bra was being taken off by two of her (also, presumably) friends could see if her parents where not coming through the front door (as that was where the camera was pointed at). Also there was a shower in the male toilet which was only to be used naked, according to the sign next to it (which we considered moving to the couch that was in the womens toilet, but for that it was stuck rather well to the wall...)..

Further more we had a nightly tour trough the city by a night watch man with an interesting sense of humor (although he actually was rather funny :)), climbed a church tower and looked over the city. We also visited the industry museum, at which the very long and dark mineshaft.. anticlimactically ended all of a sudden behind a door, in bright daylight, next to a house..

It was all fun! I had a really good time. Got to know a lot of people a lot better and had the best cup of chocolate milk with whipped cream ever (it was like a soup bowl in size, and it tasted like real coco made chocolate milk! Delicious!).. And most importantly, I got to dance, which I hadn't done in a long time!

I loved it, I wish we where still there!

Cheers!

Californication

The season finally is absolutely brilliant! I'll won't give any spoilers, but to say that I love that the season ends with the same song as with which it began! I am a bit scared about the chances of a second season though. It's a really, really, really good show, but it does not seem to be able, to carry on the same kind of storyline, given the ending.. But then again, Dawson's Creek was also very good at these kinds of story spins, and I believe there are some Dawson's Creek writers working on Californication! In that case, I'm very curious about the next season and I can't wait!! I can't wait at all!


See you!

The Boring Fun Paradox

I'm boring aren't I? I wonder that sometimes. I mean, I want to be interesting, but isn't it kind of boring to want to be interesting? Maybe it is more interesting to want to be boring? Would that be better? I don't know. I just want to be interesting. It's just stupid. Here I am, wanting something again. I always want things, isn't it boring? Here I'm whining about it. How bad can it get?
Now I'm having fun about whining about being boring? I really don't get it anymore! I'm enjoying myself by writing about being boring? What now? I'll start to bore myself about joy? Maybe I can write something about that!
So the real question is: Is it bad to have fun while being boring? It's probably better than being bored by having fun? Isn't it? Is being fun and having fun the same thing? I don't think so.. That's too bad.. I'm good at having fun. Maybe I should let fun have me? Would that be better? I think that if fun had me, that wouldn't be boring! What would you say??

Thank you, you're a great audience!

A Short on Californication

So there is this new series I'm watching. It's called Californication, it's with David Duchovny and it has some raw edges, but it is actually a really nice series. A bit twisted, but really nice! Duchovny playes a writer (Hank Moody) and he has a daughter and an ex girlfriend (the mother of his daughter) who is now engaged to, currently, his boss. So it is all a bit screwed up and I'm leaving out a lot of sexual messes, which gives it an interesting character.
But what I wanted to say about it, is that every time I watch an episode, I get the urge to write something in my blog or actually write something period. I like that about it too.


Just a short entry now..

See you later!

Happyness is What Happy Brings

Time for some optimism! My last post was a little bit on the gloomy side, I think. But It's much nicer to write happy messages :). In fact, this reminds me of when I and my team (The Little Green Bats) participated in the RoboCup world cup 2007 in Atlanta (and incidentally we won second place :)). A lot of the teams against which we competed were from china and well they have a different culture than, at least, where I come from and they sort of seem to take everything very seriously. When their agents were playing, they just sat there, not showing any emotion. And I have to say, when you are playing against another team, it is really exciting, to the point that it is down right scary! Every time we were going to be playing, I just got the urge to go to the bathroom, I dared not watch!
But to come back to it, we acted a bit differently. We got up and went to stand close to the screen and, we were really excited, so we ooh-ed and ah-ed and applauded and screamed and laughed. We had to, we couldn't help it. I mean, it was the World Championship, we worked almost two years on it, we wanted to win! And that was when someone said, what was almost the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me (well our team), she said: "You are a happy team!".
It is nice to be called happy. I never realized that before.. but I think it is a really great compliment to be called happy. I should thank her, when I see her again next year, in china..

Bye now! You're Happy!